She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
