thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
