i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
