And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
