Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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