What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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