hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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