If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
