if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
