U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
