biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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