Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Randomize
