hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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