And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
