If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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