You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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