And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
