vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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