Michael Bay diarrhea
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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