I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
