Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
false alarm, still single
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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