I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
