you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize