He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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