she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
