Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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