...so i touched it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
