He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
