ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
