I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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