Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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