I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
