Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
the liver wants what the liver wants
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
