just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
