Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
