is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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