you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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