I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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