I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
