tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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