Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
