I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
