Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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