now i know why i became what i already was.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
