I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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