he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
