two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
