sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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