you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My balls are so social today.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
