as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
