Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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