i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
