yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
