i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize