Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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