NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
