I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
