the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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