Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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