so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
MIDGETS
????
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
