My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I am one with the molecules
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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