His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
