This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
