Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
