hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
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