I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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