I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
