And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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