And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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