Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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