He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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