i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
