OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
