somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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