I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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