I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
