dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
