my sisters under your porch take her home
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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