who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
