I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
