what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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