To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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